Stains

Moptop pulled a cardboard box from the shed, looking for toys for the Small Ones. He examined the contents and, as they slowly came into focus, he realized that they were the toys that had been stolen from him when he was younger. He smiled.

Elsewhere, hooded figures in a factory gathered around several crudely-hewn statues. Each statue had a hole in the center, lined with large spikes. One by one, people were thrown into the statues, and a viscous, red liquid was expelled from a pipe.

A fever seized Moptop, and he threw himself out a window. To his horror, he craved meat.

Baile de Muerte

A chamber orchestra assembled around a large head carved from stone. They began playing the 2nd movement of the 7th symphony with unusual ferocity. The air around the stone seemed to become heavier, and a faint glow began to emanate from within.

***

The Evil Prince was dressed in an elegant silver ballroom gown. He stepped into the courtyard and began dancing. One by one, the people around him lurched to a halt, turning to stone. His steps became wilder as the courtyard filled with twisted statues.

***

Moptop took a ring from Ellynnorr's right hand and placed it on her left. "With this ring, I thee wed." The assembly seemed satisfied.

***

A young princess chased Moptop through the garden and around the house, waving a wand. Moptop soon grew tired of the game and picked the girl up, whereupon she transformed into a cherub. Moptop flung him into the air.

***

"Go do something!" shouted a trio of women. Moptop hesitantly approached the deformed baby perched on top of the closet.

"Uh, you have to come down from there. . . ."

"No!" screamed the baby. Moptop picked him up. The baby had several arms.

When Moptop walked through the doorway, he became young again. He gathered near the window with several talking animals and a green creature in a purple robe. Outside, the pink clouds turned ever-more-ominous shades of red.

***

The Evil Prince continued dancing until he made his way to the giant stone head. The strains of music grew louder and the dancing grew more frenzied. The head glowed brightly, colors flashed through the sky, and the current dimension began to burst apart at the seams.

Grassroots Campaign

A small crowd was approaching Moptop's ranch, and he wasn't sure why. He leaned back in his rocking chair and noticed a small object in the sky, which was approaching quickly and steadily. Squinting into the sun, Moptop realized that it was a small airplane.

The plane touched down quite close to the ranchhouse--enough to make Moptop rather nervous--but it skidded neatly to a stop just before the front porch. The hatch opened and revealed the pilot to be none other than Pon Raul.

The crowd had obviously gathered to hear Pon Raul speak, so Moptop offered his porch as a platform for the speech.

Dr. Raul warmed the crowd up with a few jokes about grasshoppers.

The One True Religion

Ellynnorr handed Moptop a gold-plated book. "This is my official treatise on religion."

Moptop scanned the pages, which were written in a ornate script and many strange symbols. He could only make out a few passages:

"The jack of clubs holds the moon, much like the spirit of the three of diamonds."

"I'm not sure I understand," said Moptop.

"Oh, but you must!" insisted Ellynnorr.

Genesis

From the hillside, Moptop observed as, one by one, the hundreds of tomato plants in the fields blasted into outer space.

Moptop and the Veto Factory

The choir, for whatever reason, had decided to make their "end-of-the-year" party a tour of the White House. Moptop questioned his reason for being in this group in the first place, so he couldn't help but feel inclined to misbehave.

The front doors opened to a room filled with brightly-colored and off-kilter furniture, statues, and playground equipment. Moptop was in disbelief.

"Hello, children!" declared the president in an odd falsetto voice, who promptly performed a silly walk through a side door.

The group navigated through the house, their senses assaulted by cartoon-like objects and people at every turn. Moptop spotted a statue of an elephant, whose trunk had been broken off. Moptop nudged the person next to him and shouted, "I think there's a joke in there somewhere!"

The tour guide responded with an angry "Shhhhh!"

Moptop eventually slowed his pace, allowing the choir members, who were in rapt attention, to move far ahead. Moptop then spotted a few tourists at the front door. He strolled boldly over to them and impersonated a tour guide.

"Welcome to the White House! Please follow me and we'll begin the tour!"

He passed through various rooms, not knowing what any of them were and hoping to not run into any guards, but pretending to expound on the history of each one, nonetheless.

"Here's the famed . . . Lincoln Dining Room!" he declared, gesturing to a tiny, crammed room with green wallpaper, a small table, and an antique stove.

"Here's . . . Jackie Kennedy's room!" he said, pointing at a room decorated with pink furniture.

"Wow!" whispered several tourists.

"Moptop! Stop that and get over here!" shouted the choir director. "We have to take this slide to the basement!"

Moptop approached the "slide," which looked more like a dark chute, going straight down for several stories.

"No. There is no way I'm doing this."

"Oh yes you are!" growled the director.

Moptop hesitantly kneeled and crawled through the entrance, feeling a wave of panic. He attempted to turn around and exit, but someone pushed him over the edge. He gasped, free-falling for what seemed to be hundreds of feet. However, the chute eventually curved into a gentle slope, slowing the descent considerably.

"If someone bumps into me from behind, I will kill them when we get to the bottom of this thing," Moptop thought.

He eventually landed at the bottom, sliding onto a large, soft pad. The group was gathered at a window, watching the president holding an important meeting. Moptop suddenly realized that he had lost his pants at some point during the descent. Though he was initially embarrassed, he decided to ignore it and join the choir at the window.

"Moptop, that is so not cool!" shouted one of the choir members. "That is the president and you're not wearing any pants. Show some respect!"

"I am leaving. This is ridiculous and I hate you all," shouted Moptop in return. "Have fun on your little tour."

Dejected and angry, Moptop stormed outside, still sans pants, and boarded a train to nowhere in particular.

Still Here

Moptop clutched the arms of his seat tightly, staring intently at the large clock above the cockpit of the plane. The Vicar suddenly stood up and walked down the aisle.

"It's the Rapture! It's coming!"

A collective murmur of surprise and nervousness washed through the plane.

"Repent! Repent!"

The clock ticked away until the hour had come. Moptop looked around the plane, and everyone was still there. Nothing had changed. He leapt from his seat.

"HA!" he screamed, pointing at the Vicar. "In your FACE!"

"Sit down," said Cajun Mother, pulling him back to his seat.

Exotic Cuisine

"All right," began Michael Scott, as the group was seated at the table. "I know you're all very hungry, and you'd like for me to put something inside you. The question is . . . what shall it be?"

"Hold that thought," interrupted Moptop, who quickly excused himself and headed into a grocery store to find his meal there. Inside, Heltroy was attempting to steady herself on a skateboard. Before Moptop could inquire as to the nature of this endeavor, Heltroy unsheathed a large sword and pushed off on the board. As she glided across the tiled floor, a man on the opposite end of the aisle pulled a watermelon from a crate and tossed it into the air. Heltroy leaped from the skateboard as she approached and sliced the melon neatly in half.

After watching several more displays of this ritual, Moptop exited the store and wandered aimlessly through the wild hills. He eventually happened upon a path and followed it to a fenced-off pasture, where giant, spiked worms burrowed through the ground and burst out, launching rocks and dirt with every emergence. "Bull-worms," Moptop thought. "I've read about these somewhere."

At his feet, Moptop found a baby bull-worm, which cried like a human baby. "What's wrong, little fella?" asked Moptop, though his concern belied a vague feeling of disgust at the creature.

"I'm so hungry!" wailed the worm.

"Okay, I'll find you some food."

Moptop ventured to a nearby cabin, where he found some vegetables and ham. All the while, he wasn't sure what bull-worms actually ate.

He returned as the worm continued to cry, and stooped down to offer the food. The creature was dissatisfied with this meal, however, and instead latched itself onto Moptop's hand with its needle-like teeth.

Holocaustic

Moptop walked home, quickening his pace as the wind picked up and the temperature dropped. He glanced at the menacing clouds at his back, but was forced to do a double-take as his body became flushed with anxiety. The largest cloud was shaped like a mushroom.

He started to run, doubting that he'd be able to avoid a nuclear holocaust on foot but determined to give it a shot. Perhaps aided by the waves of force emanating from the distant explosions, he managed to reach his house. One by one, the windows shattered and trees were uprooted. Moptop slammed the door behind him.

"Go away! I don't want any!" he shouted.

Theatre of the Gazing Eye, Part Two

"No, no, no, NO! Damn it!" yelled Moptop as he waded through the flooded basement. His guitars, books, and even some of his childhood toys were severely damaged and half-submerged in the dirty water. He picked up some floating scraps of wallpaper and flung them away in disgust.

Still angry and wet, he returned to the theatre and made his way to the main auditorium for the big show. The stage was large and terraced, and he was to be on the third level--quite high up. Dietrich was also there, just on the other side of a column. The audience began to noisily fill the seats below.

Moptop and Dietrich strapped on their guitars and began playing, and were pleased to find the audience very receptive, since Moptop was concerned that his and Dietrich's abrasive ways might have provoked the crowd into hostility.

The show went on, with Moptop and Dietrich downing more and more whiskey as the night progressed. Moptop picked up another guitar, which was black and white, and began playing it until he realized it was not his. He picked up yet another guitar, but it was also the wrong one, this one being an inverted white and black color scheme.

"Where did these come from?" he asked Dietrich.

"Oh, those are ours," said a pair of twin girls just below the stage. But you guys can use them anytime." The pair then giggled, and Moptop took several steps back, rather unnerved.

"The second band hasn't shown up yet!" whispered the theatre's manager from just off-stage. "Can you keep playing?"

Moptop and Dietrich obliged, but they were quickly running out of material and the whiskey was taking hold of their performances more noticeably. Exhausted when the extra set was finally finished, Moptop dropped his instrument and began to stagger away.

"Unbelievable!" exclaimed the manager, who reappeared and blocked Moptop's path. "The third band isn't here, either! You'll have to just keep playing!"

Dietrich recommenced singing--fairly incoherently--and Moptop reclined supine beneath his keyboard, occasionally strumming a chord when he could muster up the energy.

However, he was startled upright when a huge, bald man roared from the audience below.

"They've taken my slot! It's my turn to play! I'll destroy you all!"

While Moptop helplessly watched this monstrous adversary charge toward them, a nearby security guard pulled out a blowgun and, with a mighty puff of air, sent a dart spiraling into the angry man's posterior. The dart unfolded like the petals of a poisonous flower, and, staggering to a halt, the man collapsed to the floor.

The audience cheered.

Theatre of the Gazing Eye, Part One

The shutters of his window flew open, and the sunlight violently pierced through.

"Argh, no!" protested Moptop, shielding himself from the blinding rays. "I want to sleep!"

"Too bad," Cajun Mother declared. "We're going shopping."

The two thus filed into the car, Moptop hating the world and all in it. He'd been up until four the previous morning, so the light of day filled him with nausea. They soon arrived at a small shopping complex, wherein a path adorned with flowered trellises led to the various canopied storefronts. As they walked down the path, a certain angle of a flower shocked Moptop. He'd seen this before, somewhere . . . it was in his dream last night! Somewhat shaken, he continued down the path until he and Cajun Mother entered a sporting goods store.

Moptop halfheartedly looked through a rack of basketball jerseys until he was startled by a figure's sudden appearance behind him. It was Donbran, a man he'd never counted on seeing again.

"You?" Moptop stammered, his voice strained with anger and confusion. Donbran was wearing yellow-rimmed glasses, and, again, Moptop realized he had seen this in a dream.

Cajun Mother calmly but coldly acknowledged Donbran, then she and Moptop quickly left the bespectacled, prodigal son behind.

Later that night, Moptop found himself wandering in a haze into a large, domed theatre. Gentle chants echoed through the halls. The lobby was filled with people, but they somehow seemed fake, and they took no notice of him. Eventually, Moptop entered a kitchen and found a little girl inside, sitting on one of the counters.

"Hello," he said. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting," she replied.

"I've been having strange dreams lately. I'm seeing things before they happen. What do you think of that?" inquired the light-headed Moptop.

"Look," she replied, pointing behind him.

He turned to face a shadowy figure, like a spectral woman residing somewhere between this world and the next.

"You've seen this before, but now you're here," stated the little girl. "You're supposed to be here!"

Moptop knew that he had to fight this ghostlike creature, and several people entered the room to observe. He reached into his coat and pulled out his tiny, Elven pocketknife.

"Don't do that," said a large woman who stormed into the room. Moptop was surprised but pleased that he had an ally. The spectral figure seemed agitated by the arrival of the woman, and soon Moptop realized why. "I have a different approach," she boldly intoned.

The woman angrily began shouting a gnocchi recipe at the top of her lungs, and the spectral woman struggled, as if weighed down by the words. Moptop uncomfortably looked around at the others in the room. The little girl shrugged in confusion.

Finally, the woman finished her marinara diatribe, and the wraith dissipated as mist in the wind.

Porcine Fable

From "The Children's Gate"
By Lewas Iscarrollot

"It was quite an ordinary day when little Mary Rose went down to the riverside to gather pearls and flowers, so she thought nothing of the small pig which slipped from tree to tree. 'Beware the creatures of the woods, my child!' her mother had called as she skipped through the garden. But, alas, lost in the childish kingdom of daisies and lily-pads, Mary heeded not her mother's warning.

The pig was swift and shadowy, most unlike others of its ilk. Mary gathered her dainty bouquet and danced through the forest, laughing as she glided, carefree, through the soft grass.

Through the ferns and bushes, more pigs appeared, silently watching the girl. Mary began to notice this most unusual congregation, but still laughed at her mother's words, which began to whisper at her ear.

The pigs were now joined by great, fat hogs, covered in mud. They began to snort excitedly as the overwhelming number of pigs now encircled the forest.

And, then, from the largest tree in the woods, the largest hog of all did appear. Its snout was of a frightful size, more akin to the trunk of an elephant. The strange proboscis curled down the branches and slithered through the grass. . . .

And little Mary Rose was never heard from again."

Grievances

Oblivious to the decadent surroundings of the hotel, Moptop's eyes narrowed in anger.

"So, Endenash. We meet again."

He paused, collecting himself and suppressing the urge to act out in violence.

"You never thought I'd put it all together? That you sent that horrid blonde succubus to do your bidding? That you were the puppet-master in this twisted game!?"

Moptop was satisfied with the monologue thus far.

"Well, it's true!" he continued, now screaming. And, without a pause to allow his opponent to interject, he continued. "Don't even try to deny it! She's just lucky I was onstage at the time, or that bitch would have taken a bottle right in the mouth! Courtesy of ME!"

Satisfied with this strongly-worded email, Moptop pressed "send."

Forever Young

The final plane landed, bringing Moptop to the end of his long journey around the world. His entire body felt shaky as he exited the vehicle.

Upon returning home, Moptop discovered he was a child again. His house was its old peach-like color, all of the dead trees and bushes were alive again, and his old neighbors were again living next door. Moptop smiled in the knowledge that this would greatly simplify life.

Unfortunately, a complication soon arose, as a giant orb of water crashed onto him from the sky.

Cine Demonique

The son held the small knife in a trembling hand.

"Do it, boy! Attack me!" yelled the father.

"I . . . I can't," stammered the boy.

"You'll never learn if you don't, so just do it!"

Moptop was now playing the role of the boy in a movie. He exhaled deeply, considering the knife and the task at hand. Forcing himself to move against his will, he jumped to attack.

The man easily dodged the lunge, simultaneously throwing the boy into the wall. The knife skittered across the floor.

"See?" shouted the man. "You'll never learn! Get up."

The boy curled into a ball in the corner of the dark room and suddenly began laughing hysterically.

"I don't even have to try," he gasped between laughs. "The devil is in me! He's inside of me! HE'S INSIDE ME! HAHAHAHAHA!"